What do you do when you're invited
Out to the joint where guys get knighted
Raise your hat and say that you're delighted
Yes, but, tell me

What do you do when noses stick up
'Cos you don't know which knife to pick up
Look around you and politely hic-cough
Yes, but, I know

Champaign, tea and caviar
Need to be approached with etiquette
Very well then, Campaign for a samovar
Get the better of the better set
Cor Blimey

What do you do when debutanties
Take you to tea to meet their aunties
You're as wise as I am, fine advisor I am
What do you do

What do you do
What do you do
What do you
What do you do

What do you do
What do you do
What do you do
What do you do
What do you do
What do you do

What do you do with no school tie on
No oxford accent to rely on
Sing a verse or two of Any Old Iron
Yes, but, tell me

What do you do when you go places
What you wear when at the races
S'pose I'll have to use me father's braces
Yes, but, I know

Fish and chips and jellied eels
Is a diet I don't understand
Oh, how I wish you knew just how it feels
Eating a banana down the Strand
Oh, matey

What do you do when clubs refuse you
Can't even get your name in Who's Who
You're as wise as I am, fine advisor I am.
What do you do? 

What do you do
What do you do
What do you do
What do you do

What do you do.
